The Right Thing At The Wrong Time
It was the year 2008 where I made the plan to get married by 26 and that by 30 I should have 2 kids.
Where did I come up with that plan? Well, I’m not entirely sure, but I was probably influenced by couples I admired within the church or talks I read about marriage. I also know that Disney movies I’d seen (on repeat) growing up or the once I still go crazy about even today played an important role in this plan. After all, I’d longingly watched Jasmine fall in love with Aladdin in less than nine minutes and Ariel fall in love with Prince Eric even faster than that.
I realised that I’ve based my perceptions of marriage on the things I saw around me. It seemed as though getting married sometime in my early 20’s was the thing to do with in the LDS church.
Looking back, I can see that my marriage plan was much more of a social strategy of fitting in than an inspired one. I mistakingly figured that if church members surrounding me could find love and companionship so easily, I also could “settle down” by the time I turned 26.
But now, after turning 31 a couple of weeks back! With a knowledge that life doesn’t always turn out according to our own plan. It isn’t as though there’s a shortage of worthy Pristhood holders. I’ve just never met the one that is right for me, the one that has the same out look on life as I do, the one whom I’m physically,emotionaly and intellectually attracted to, but most importaly the one that Heavenly Father will direct me too. As i contemplated my failed marriage strategy, this thoughts come to mind.
There are plenty of wrong reasons to get married
- I’m not going to get married just because my parents want grandchildren.
- I’m not going to get married because of the amount of “likes” there are on the engagement and wedding photos in my social media feeds.
- I’m not going get married because many of my close friends are sealed in the temple with their life partner for eternity.
- I’m not going to get married because I might not be able to have children as some studies have suggested.
- I’m not going get married because of what society, the media, or my own crazy thoughts upstairs might be saying.
I’m only going to get married if I know through inspiration that its the right time for me.
Unfortunately, I’ve seen lots of young adults get married for the wrong reasons. They’re settling down because that’s what they think they’re supposed to be doing at their age. They feel like failures, like something must be wrong with them, if they are not married before they exist the youn adulthood.
In an article I just read recently Josh Barad recounts an expiriance he had with a recently divorced woman.
“She told me, “Looking back, it was clear that I liked the idea of marriage more than marriage itself — I didn’t even know who I was then.” Then she mentioned that, although she knew she had to leave her marriage, it was not an easy decision since so much of her self-worth was wrapped up in the unhealthy relationship. I doubt she’s the only one who’s ever felt this way.”
Now please don’t go calling the church leaders on me, because you think I’m apostate . I don’t think that getting married early is a bad thing — I have plenty of twentysomething year old friends who are happily married and I’m inspired everyday by their marriages. But I do think that it’s important to respact yourself, your partner and the Lord by first seeking the Lord’s will and timing in your life before jumping into “For All Times And Eternity“ with another human.
I realised the importance of living life on the Lord’s terms, instead of those that society and church member prescribes, shortly after university or mission. About sometime last year i felt extremely unsatisfied with my life, and it wasn’t until I began to ask myself the not-so-obvious questions: “Is this the life that I actually want to live? Do I really want to be doing this kind of work? Do I really want to pretend I’m someone else so that I can fit in?”
Write and speaker Krishnamurti phrased it best when he said, “It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” I realized that I was trying to do just that. I was trying to adjust to a society that is imperfact and not Heavenly Fathers perfact plan for my life.
If we are going to follow Heavenly Fathers personalised path for our life, it’s important to check out of societal expectations and check into Heavenly inspiration. I’ve managed to do this with one simple thing, asking Heavenly Father to show me daily my individual path.
This simple question has led me to a better understanding of what is most important to me and made me consider who I wanted to spend my time with on dates, what I wanted to learn about, what philosophies and beliefs I value the most, and what experiences I most craved in my life.
Since we get only one shot at mortality, why not trust Heavenly Father to direct us to things that will actually make us happy and fulfill his plan for us? I’m not saying don’t get married or have your 2 to 10 children. I’m just here to remind you of the choices that you still get to make — all of them and their consequence. Because getting married out of pressure from family, church members, friends or fear of missing out has deep consequences.
So if you’ve been living your life by someone else’s rules, you have the option to shift and make a different choice. Hevenly Father knows you better than you can imagine and he has a perfact plan for your life, even if it means you might be the only one within your friend circle who is not married. His plan is perfact just trust him
“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action;
rather it is “timing”
it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles
and in the right way.”― Fulton J. Sheen