WHY I DON’T BELIEVE IN SETTLING DOWN
There is something about the words “settling down” - especially when coming from a guy’s mouth - that make me want to get an Uber and be driven to some distant land.
Since the beginning of the year I’ve met some really interesting guys and gone on dates with them that have been fun. However, as we start talking about our individual plans for the future, for some reason I usually get the “I want to settle down, get married, and have kids” line that most of them think will impress me. And it ought to, right? Isn’t that what every woman dreams of???
Whenever I think of someone settling down, I imagine them living in some quiet suburban place with their dozen kids, a picket fence and three dogs.
I’ve discovered that I don’t need a house to be or feel at home. I don’t believe that life is meant to be lived in one place or else the creator, God, would have just created one spot for us all to live in. The world is vast for a reason; there is so much of it to explore. There are empires I would love to create and dreams I still want to achieve. There are places to go, people to see, and memories to be made. And buying a two-story house in a small-town suburb like Waterkloof doesn’t sound like the ideal for me. I value experiences and connections rather than material investments like owning a huge house, unless its a holiday house in Fiji lol.
Settling. The word itself is unsettling
Like I said before, I’ve never liked the word ‘settle down’. It’s the total opposite of what I want to do with my life.
Don't get me wrong, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to get married or start a family, all I'm saying is that I don’t want a “typical suburban life”. I want to get married, and then go see the world with my husband. I also want to have children and travel around the world with them. The thing is marriage for me doesn’t mean I tie myself to another person, move into a house and stay there until I drop dead. It can, if that’s what you want. But marriage can also mean so much more. It can be whatever you want it to be. Relationships don’t need to fall into strict categories or follow a set plan. If you want to be married and have babies and buy a house, then you should definitely do that. If you want to get married and not have babies or spend every cent you have to travel, then you should definitely do what’s right for you. If you want something in between or something entirely different, then go for it, it’s your right to live your best life.
You have the freedom to completely customize your entire life to suit your dreams, goals and whatever makes you happy. Life doesn't have to be routine based but it can be flexible or shaped around your life purpose; whatever it is you were put here to share.
Maybe this makes me a little crazy. Maybe this makes me unstable. Or maybe it just means I’m squeezing every drop out of this life I’ve been given and doing it in the way I know God intended it to be specifically for me.
I feel adventurous. I love the word adventure, it’s way much better than settle.
The thing that most people don’t get is, you can be completely adventurous, free and unconfined and still have a family. There isn't a select few life options to choose from, the options are, literally, infinite.
There’s no way for others to measure whether or not you're succeeding in life or if you're happy because there is no such thing as a ‘one size fits all’ checklist that we all have to follow. Okay, yes, Kgomotso had a baby and owns a home, she MUST be happy, right? Oh well, that’s open to what happiness is for you.
I create my own checklist and only God and I can determine whether or not I’m on the right path. Nobody has ever or will ever live my life, they could never do with my life what I will do with it. My life is perfectly individual and it is entirely mine. Learn to carve out your own life, your own space and your own story that is totally different and unique. There are no rules, your life is unique to you and should look exactly as it should for you.
I don’t believe in settling down
I don’t believe in settling down because that word implies that the current path I’m on isn’t the right one. When I look at my future, I don’t see my life in the same house, same town, and same job. I see constant change.
So I'm looking for a relationship that’s all about searching and looking for the things we both desire in life. I’m not looking for a guy who is set on trying to convince me that settling down is as I’ve been told God's commandment. No relationship would ever get anywhere if it’s meant to tie the people in it down.
I don’t believe in settling down. Life is too short to ever settle. There is so much adventure in the world. Go find it. And if you can do it with someone you love, all the better.