Dating as a Black Woman

Okay, so I’m not a serial dater (if that’s even a word). Actually, dating isn’t my thing. I’m a black child and in my culture there is no such thing as dating. Rona ra JOLA!

If brother, actually, when brother man takes you out to where ever, you are his girl. It is an unspoken rule of law. A chick who “dates casually “or with no strings attached (as the English language likes to put it) is regarded as a loose child (ngwana o loso).


There is just something about a girl and her integrity to which both are attached to her “moral conduct”. It’s okay in the western world for boys and girls to date “as many as they like” but not in the African tradition. A woman/girl is a gem and so she should conduct herself as such.

And so, my ideas and ideals when it comes to dating are attached to this old school unspoken principle. I don’t go around dating every Ton, Dick, and Harry or Tshepo, Thabo le Thabang. I am very picky as to whom I choose to go out with. Whether we modern women want to debate it and attach “independence and equality” blah blah blah to it, it is and will remain like that. Every black child knows of a girl/woman who is regarded as such by “society.” Even when she isn’t being promiscuous at all. And should you go and ask every black guy about such a woman/girl they would have a mouthful to tell you. You may label it misogyny or whatever, at the end of the day, it is what it is.


Now, is this me being prejudice? No. This doesn’t mean women should shy away from expressing themselves. It doesn’t mean we should shy away from what makes us individuals. However, we ought to care about what people think of us. A lot of people attach negative connotation to that but the art of it comes in caring but not being bothered by all the things people say.

Do I care about my standing In society? Yes. Do I care about my integrity? Yes. Do I care about what people think and say about me? Yes. I don’t want people to think bad of me. I don't want people spreading rumours about me and saying things that are damaging to my character. Will me caring affect what people say or think about me? Absolutely not. My mother use to say: “darlin’, people were talking before you were born; they are still talking now that you’re here. And guess what? They’ll continue talking when you’re gone.”


So, date, date as many as you can (if you’re into that western world business) and make sure you have fun while you're at it. But do it with caution. Don’t just go out on a date just because. Respect yourself. You know your standards now let those other boys know. If they don’t like it and dub you as one who is full of themselves then let it be. Tell them you are so full of yourself that your cup runs over. And if they can’t handle that then they should go flush themselves to the nearest pit hole.