How To Get Your Flirt Game On…


Picture this, you walk in to a club or a singles ward, group activity, party and there is a group of guys at the bar. The hottest of them looks your way, and you smile back, but for some twisted reason it’s the friend that approaches you. How did he get so confused, were you sending the wrong signals? This is amongst a few reasons I went out of my way to find out how to get the right message to the right person. For most of my life it had been easy to decipher if someone was interested in me like that or not. Lately, I wasn’t so sure anymore especially since I was dating men of other cultures. So I began my research on how to flirt. I came across so much information, but I found that I could only put to use a few of the tips confidently without coming across as too forward or easy.

“This was going to be fun”, I told my self, and it was. But little did I know that I might have to do things, like look into men’s eyes for extended periods of time (holding eye contact) and that I might have to touch his hand too. Either way I was going to start flirting, but I wanted to do it the right way. I had to move mountains of confidence within myself, and learn to be ok with rejection in order to get to the finish line. Here I found that daily affirmations about how deep and beautiful I am, how talented and outspoken I was is what motivated me. Also playing my favourite jam, really amped me up and got my confidence sky-scrapper high just at the right level to get my flirt game on. 

What worked for me was following Jean Smiths H.O.T.A.P.E. Which coincidentally made me think of the Neanderthals and how they hit their women over the head with a club and that’s how she ended up spending the night (or the rest of her life) in his cave. To make the record clear, the acronym H.O.T.A.P.E stands for 6 signs of flirting or attraction. To those of you who don’t mind breaking a smile to the opposite gender these are a few more things that might help let him know that you are interested. ' 

H- Humour
This can work as an ice breaker and to help you and him lighten up. If you don’t mind putting in a little effort, memorising a joke and delivering it at the right time will go a long way. 

O- Open body language
I began crossing my hands a lot less, and started looking in the direction of the person of my interest. Body language speaks volumes, and his feet are just as loud. If his feet are pointing at you, I understood that as a green light, but if his feet are to the side this means he is planning an escape route. I have found this one really helpful especially if I wanted to be sure if the interest was mutual. 

T- Touch
This is the most important one! Flirtologist Jean Smith recommends you touch or gently tap his hand while saying something like “oh, you’re so funny”. When it comes to touch, you should only use this if you are sure you want to get him to know that you are interested. You can get away with all the other signs, but when it comes to touch you are culpable. Jean Smith gives credit to this sign for getting most of her clients out of the friend zone. Keeping in mind that people don’t respond the same way, some might not be interested. The advice given to me was move “right on” go and HOT-APE someone else.

A- Attention
Give the person some attention, and there’s a relation between how much you like them and the amount of attention you are giving them, but be observant and watch how they react to this. Too much of a good might not be the best as he is just a stranger right about now.

P- Proximity
This one is rather simple, when we are interested in someone, we don’t want to run in the opposite direction. “To the contrary says Jean Smith, we find a way to get closer” how else are you going to get them to ask for your number?

E- Eye contact
This is the easiest way to tell if someone is interested or not. It’s important to understand the difference when someone is looking at you in a friendly or a flirty way. There are four specific ways to tell when someone has flirting on their mind. F.L.I.G

  • Frequency- the eye contact happens more often
  • Length of time-They look at you for a longer period of time, rather than a quick glance
  • Intensity-The emotion behind the eyes is stronger. (I am still to figure this one out for myself)
  • Gesture- The eye contact is accompanied with another gesture, perhaps a flick of the hair, a smile, straightening of clothing, or touching their face.

I really enjoyed HOTAPE’ng people; its easier when you practice it on random strangers before trying it on someone you really like. This I found was easier to implement when I thought of it as a game, I found I had more fun and got to know a lot more people than I had imagined I would.
If you want to try it out my one piece of advice is have a sample size of not less than ten people don’t just try it on that one guy and conclude it doesn’t work. If he isn’t interested move right along and H.O.T.A.P.E someone else, more often than not, you’ll find that he is just as keen to get to know you better.