It’s interesting how the conversations I have with my single lady friends usually end up being about “finding the men we deserve” and most of us are very passionate about it. We mostly base this on all the relationships that we have had that have gone to the dogs. 

Most women in their mid-twenties  feel they have reached an age where they  know what they want and what they don't want from a potential partner. Most of us use the aid of a list; a set list with predetermined traits and characteristics we want in a partner, those we can tolerate and ones we can’t stand, this helps us navigate our way through the dating terrain.  I find that what makes it to the top of the list are the things that I feel an emotional need for, things I deem will complete me and make me “happy”. That is a man who is:
 1. Loving
 2. Adventurous
 3. Wealthy
 4. Must love travelling
 5. High IQ
 6. High EQ (emotional intelligence),
 7. Love God and have the desire to know more about Him
 8 .Must have a great relationship with parents and family
 9. Must display affection with ease (anywhere)
 10. Must love reading and increasing his knowledge bank 

This list I have shared on many occasions over lunch and what was intended to be light conversations. On one particular Sunday we had a guy friend join us, he brought with him a very “male” way of looking at things. 

Flipping the conversation
He asked: “what makes you ladies think you deserve these men, and why should a man go through all these things to fulfil your fantasies? What are you willing to do for them? Did you ever consider yourselves fit to date the men that you wanted? What if they had lists of their own, what then?” I thought long about this, and quietly went over my now mentally engraved list. Would I make the cut? By my own standards, would I be someone I successfully dated? He had flipped the conversation. 

Becoming the person you want
It’s always insightful to look at things from a different point of view. Guy friend mentioned how most relationships are made of singles that are waiting for their other halves to make them happy, make them feel special and show them love, affection, and all sorts of adoration. That is exactly why most people walk out of relationships feeling disappointed and let down. They are looking to invest their all in the other person; this is something the author of Loud Louder, Preston Smiles, brought to my attention. He suggests that we shouldn’t look to an external locus (person, thing or event) to make us happy.  In that moment, I wanted to be my ideal, I knew and understood that “I attract what I am”.  I love how my mind-set has changed from feeling entitled to, and deserving of a specific gentleman, to one of “I am what I want”. That shift of the mind-set has changed the entire game plan.

Experience the fun
My dating  sense taken on a new life; I now have so much fun in relationships. My tone has changed to one of adventure, fun, enjoying reading , travelling, and creating new experiences. The saying “Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you” has helped me become what I want in my life; becoming good enough to date myself, and only then have I come to know and love the amazing people in my life (those of the opposite sex).