Stop Letting Other People’s Opinions Define You
I used to believe that the opinions of those around me didn't affect me, but it did literally to the point where I felt paralysed, down with low self-esteem and feeling unloved.
I clearly remember when a friend once told me, “You're so inconsiderate and selfish.” This my dear friends were one of the earliest memories I have of being accused of something based on my character. And you know what that statement did to me? I actually believed that what she said was a definition of the person I was deep down.
I spent years trying not to appear “inconsiderate or selfish,”. This applied to all the other “wrong” behaviours, others said I was about to change, with the hope that I'd then be more acceptable to the world or lets me say to those close to me. And as one other friend put it the other day, if I don't change “I'll be alone for the rest of my life.
It's so easy for us, including me, to constantly pinpoint where others need to change or what about their personality is wrong, and then give them solutions as to how to improve. You know what I've learned over the years? I'll never be able to achieve a state where I'm perfect and without any faults. Saying this is not to excuse my reactions or behaviour, but everyone has the right to work on themselves at their own pace without constant judgment for everyone.
Yes at times feedback is good, but it doesn't mean everything said is always true. As I was thinking about this yesterday my Heavenly Father whispered something very dear and true to me “People will always have an opinion about everything you do, but it doesn't mean it's the truth. So, learn to not let it define you and remember its human nature to see other people's faults, but our own”.
Usually other people's negative opinions are likely a reflection of their own limiting beliefs about life. With that said I'm learning to develop the skill to recognize and ignore these. I don't have to agree with anyone just because they think they know more about people's character or what's the best way to react in any given situation.
No one lives your life, you can only live it for yourself. And for that, you must stop listening or accepting others' inflated belief systems.
What you believe as a result of your friends or mothers negative review about your personality, or the heavily biased statements you read in the social media about women for example, must never define you.
I’m accepting that as people we have different perspectives and not everyone is going to agree with how you react to different situation. That's perfectly fine.
So, instead of tirelessly arguing your case, learn to let the comments and unwanted advice exist as they are. Next time someone gives you a negative comment, say “Thanks, but I choose to not accept it”, then mentally push it aside. That way, it will not affect you emotionally.
Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement; it simply means acknowledging that everyone is entitled to their own opinion.